Loving myself to safety?

Thats what I call normal. It's the safe space that most people live in, or at least I lived in until my first panic attack.
I am not a negative person. I actually use to drive people nuts with how positive I was, especially my husband. If he said a negative I would turn it around to a positive. It drove him nuts, so i stopped. But he kept saying the negatives. Then life happened.
He had a brain injury. Sort of like a massive stroke. It was from a med. Then there are people who say it couldn't be from a med. Aiy Carumba!
So now I have all the kids, and the money and the stress all on my pretty little size 12 back. (yet I still feel fat and ugly)
SO the world cam crashing down and then I got a panic disorder. I think its my way of running away so He will help, or the kids will behave, or at least i will get a few minutes of peace before that one tries to kill this one! UGH!
So somewhere in between all of this I am suppose to learn to love myself. HMmm.. Maybe I can fit it in the tuesday after next!